18-Oct-2015 12:10

Mom sex chat in

“Think of me as Yoda, only instead of being little and green, I wear suits and I’m awesome. So, this holiday season, why not bang someone in need?

” “Trust me when I tell you their universal healthcare system doesn't cover breast implants.If I have to sit through one more flat-chested Nova Scotian riding a Mountie on the back of a Zamboni, I'll go oot of my mind.” “Girls are like cartons of milk.Each one has a hotness expiration date and you've hit yours.I'm not saying the occasional guy won't still go to the fridge, open you up, take a sniff, shrug and take a sip anyway: but it's all downhill from here.” “I feel like I've done so much good I have a ‘soul boner’.” Quinn (Barney’s soon-to-be stripper girlfriend): “Wow, you have Enormous Penis Syndrome?I’ve never heard of that.” Barney: “Yeah, that’s the problem with EPS – lack of awareness. Of course, many of us will need wheelbarrows…” “No part of Barney Stinson does anything less than 110 per cent. After negotiating a fairly barren mid-90s career-wise (a bit-part role as a Gestapo-esque officer in bug-smashing sci-fi Starship Troopers aside), a narcotic-tinged visit to a burger joint with Harold & Kumar rocketed NPH back into the public eye. Since then, he’s been voted one of Time magazine’s 100 Most Influential People, received a star on the Hollywood Walk Of Fame and presented the Tony Awards (where he jigged with Mike Tyson).

And it’s all thanks to womanising, Scotch-drinking, corporate cheerleading Barney Stinson, the one character in hit comedy HIMYM you’ve never wanted to punch square in the mush.

So, in true Barnabus Stinson style, suit up and raise a glass of American Scotch (definitely NOT Canadian) to the inventor of the Lemon Law, the instigator of Not A Father’s Day and creator of Bangtoberfest, and revel in his 40 best skits, scams and motivational speeches. I know we don’t talk much, though a lot of girls call out your name because of me.” “This is the time of year when we remember the importance of giving.

Please be warned, there is the occasional, moderately rude reference. And like his favourite catchphrase, most of them are now legen – wait for it… And there’s no greater gift than the gift of booty.

If one of my little Michael Phelps’ has got loose, he’s swimming for a Gold.” Jingle Bells “Pulling down her pants, yanking off my own, underneath the mistletoe I’ll make your sister moan, oh…” We Wish You A Merry Christmas “I wish I could see her naked, I wish I could see her naked, I wish I could see her naked and down on all fours.” “That's what corporate America wants: people who seem like bold risk takers, but never actually do anything.” “This, what you’re doing right now?

It’s giving me a de-rection.” “You are in the heart of Bachelor Country. Now, you could try to apply for a sex visa, but that only lasts 12 hours...

14 if you qualify for multiple entry.” “With great penis comes great responsibility.” “If I could nail any celebrity, it would have to be Scarlett Johansson.

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